Tuesday evening 3-26-13
Angel of freedom
Once my brother got home from work I was off to the Emporium. I was on a mission to find something to take home with me to Oregon. I now knew whatever I found must have a butterfly to show my transition since it would hold the symbolic meaning of my journey.
As I mentioned before, this is a store that is full of nick-knacks. After about 10 minutes the store clerk asked me if she could help me find something. I had already looked over several items with a butterfly but still nothing struck a cord.... Its hard looking for something that's perfect with so many choices. I wanted something that had some color that wasnt too big and heavy and wouldnt break on my trip home. I am not certain how many times I walked around that store, but I know I was going in circles. I narrowed it down to 3 different items. I am someone who hates decisions and none of them spoke to me like I was wanting to hear. I was starting to get a little frustrated and then the store clerk told me about one more item. She said its not as colorful as the others I picked but she thinks it might just be the one. She picked up an item off to the side of the store and when she turned around she handed me this sculpture of an angel holding a butterfly. My eyes started to swell with tears. Then she handed me two little cards; The first one said: "I hope this piece has a personal meaning just for you... A little reminder.. A reflection.. A gesture that marks a memory." The second card said: "Angel of freedom; allowing dreams to soar." I looked up and the store clerk looked at the tears flowing down my face and she said "I'll get the box." At that moment I knew this was the item that would follow me home. It spoke to me loud and clear and it was perfect. As the clerk was ringing up my sale I read the box that would hold my angel until I got home. On the side of the box it reads "Willow Tree is an intimate line of figurative sculptures that speak in quiet ways to heal, comfort, protect, and inspire. This piece is cast from my original carving, and then painted by hand. I try to keep the interpretation of the Willow Tree open. I hope this makes it more personal, and allows you to decide its meaning. May the simplicity of these figures communicate peace and serenity to you and those you love."
For me, this simply piece does just that. It's not a matter of getting rid of the memories but learning how to move forward with them. Memories are a way of holding onto the things you love, the things you are.. and the things you never want to forget. The angel is my mom holding me, the butterfly, in her hands letting me go. Telling me to fly, chase my dreams, and telling me its ok.. She's always there if I need a place to land. Its a piece that symbolizes my transition while in Iowa... Somewhere, someway while in Iowa, I was given this incredible understanding and freedom from the pain of losing my mom; instead of just greiving the past I am more accepting of it. It still hurts like hell and it always will ... But I am ok with knowing she is still with me. I wish I could explain this feeling better and I wish I could hand it out freely to the rest of my family. I've been brought back from the grave and have been given the freedom to dream, take that chance and live looking forward, instead of clinging to the past... I have the peace in my heart of knowing it is the right thing to do; it is what my mom wants me to do. Just returning to Iowa has a big sense of closure but each day while here has given me many messages and I'm so happy I have had this quiet time to slow down and relax, hear the messages and soak it all in. I know the messages are always around and so often go unheard. I am so thankful to my husband for encouraging this journey and feel so blessed to have shared it with my brother. Yes, this trip has given me so much and my mom, my angel, has given me the freedom to chase those dreams, allowing them to soar. Thank you mom, you are missed more than you will ever know.
