It Could've Been Me … My Family
Many of you
already know this but .. when I write, I write from the heart. Recently doing
my project in Alabama and the states I have been able to find my passion for
writing again. It's been my escape from reality so to speak. I've been able to
add a piece of myself and yet add a bit of knowledge about the state and also
draw. It's been quite refreshing. …… and now, for two weeks I haven't been able
to even open my computer to write. It's been too painful. Every time I try; I
cry. So I wait…and I wait. I wait until the pain gets less and less and I can
find comfort once again in words. I write a paragraph and I close my computer;
that was enough for today. Tomorrow's another day; I will write more then. Alabama
will wait..
Little by
little I'm making progress. I'm almost ready to post this new blog. I find
peace in writing. It calms my nerves. Everyone will have to bear with me in
this post; my grammar or punctuation may not be its best. I get tears in my
eyes every time I re-read it. I wish I could do more for others.. I have a bit
of guilt I believe in some aspects… but right now I'm trying to hold myself
together. I suppose for now that will have to do; and that's okay. J
"Empathy
has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It's simply
listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and
communicating that incredibly healing message of "you're not alone." ~Brene
Brown
The Fires
Some of you
may have noticed I took last week off (or two..or three now) from blogging.
Unfortunately on Tuesday, September 8th and 9th, Oregon had what many have
referred to as a "perfect storm" for fires. Hot, dry and extremely
windy weather created nightmares for two days straight! For those of us who
experienced this storm it’s hard and extremely painful to describe. The first
two days and nights were pure survival! Then came the shock of it all. Then the
trauma and the pain, sorrow and helplessness. Oregon "lost" four
towns that week (maybe more?), two of which are within 10 miles of my house. Between
Phoenix and Talent at least 2,488 residential homes and 164 businesses were
completely destroyed! Other properties have been damaged as well. Now over
6,000 people are homeless - all from the Almeda fire alone. This is something I
am used to hearing about on the news.. in other cities; not in my own
community. The fires were so close that
night; they surrounded the valley in a fury. We had a false sense of security
but in reality no one was safe. It all moved so fast.
It could've
been me.. my family.
The winds
were howling all morning. It was Tony's first day of high school; his freshman
year online due to Covid. The schools were having issues with intermittent power
outages and losing connection to the internet due to the high winds. Some
families gave up on trying to stay connected with the school. The winds seemed
to pick up speed and anger as the day progressed.
The fires started in Ashland around 11:00 am that morning and things appeared to be somewhat under control. Occasionally I'd receive little new flash updates on my phone. Around 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon I received a blurp saying the neighborhood by my sister-in-law's house in Medford was on high alert to be evacuated. I called to check to make sure Amy was aware and was heading home. Within the hour she was evacuating her family and pets to my in-laws house.
My son, David, and his girlfriend, Leslie, were next on the
list to be evacuated. They live in an area with only one way in and one way
out; and to top it off they do not have a car. I texted David and told him the
fire was close to his apartments and to look out his back window. Sure enough,
the 30 ft flames were waving up and down in the wind, as if to say hello. It was
so close he could almost feel them. Then came the stressful process of rounding
up his two cats and shoving them into carriers while holding their small dog,
Kiki so she wouldn’t wiggle away. All while trying to get everyone in her mom's
car and down the road in a hurry. Hearing their voices in a panic over the
phone, feeling helpless myself, trying to calm them down, telling them to
breathe, yet to get out of there as fast as he could; all with me knowing from
the scanner that his roads are blocked. This is every mother's worst nightmare.
We repeated this again and again over the next day. Finally they just stayed
away until they knew for sure it was all clear. It's a lot of trauma for
everyone (including pets) to go through.
We were not
alone in this situation. When Jeff and I turned on the police scanner we
realized just how hellishly bad the situation really was. It wasn't until
around 11pm that night when we discovered the destruction in Talent and
Phoenix. Sadly, none of our local news channels were reporting on the
situation. Panic had stricken the entire valley. …
It could've
been me.. my family.
In the
Midwest I have been through tornadoes. Normally you have warning when and where
they are headed. There is a pretty clear path of destruction afterwards. Once I
moved to the West Coast I learned of fire storms and the destruction they can
leave behind. This past week I feel as though lived through the two combined
together.
The Almeda fires released a whispering hiss, sizzling pop and a bellowing crackle within the dry withered trees as they gradually released years of liveliness soaked up from the sun. A solid intoxicating smell of musty smoke and pine needles mixed with an eerie glow of uncertainly was swimming in the air. The persistent, raw, hellish, smell was strong enough to wrap around your throat and strangle you. The noises that evening were unremitting and scary. There was a steady banging on the side of our house from the never ending wind and we don’t even have tall trees next to our house. Rustling leaves made crackling whip noises so loud it frightened all of our pets - and me too! As we checked on our friends and family throughout the evening there was a known panic in the background. In the dark lingered a huge curtain of flames crawling through nearby neighborhoods grabbing at every little thing it could; watching what we couldn’t. Branches and twigs would gasp for their last breath before falling into ashes. The fire slithered all around the valley that night - like a bunch of rattle snakes had been let lose creeping up and down every house; waiting for someone to scream… wondering where it would turn up next. Breathe...
Fierce winds broke electric poles like it was a game. The fires raged on throughout multiple neighborhoods and businesses, sparing little in its path. Nothing inside was likely to survive. Firefighters went door by door that night evacuating one neighbor after another; often with nothing but what they had on their backs. Many people didn’t want to leave; even though they could see - yet not believe - their coming doom. Many were forced to leave their outdoor pets that had run away; fortunately many pets have since been reunited. Everything just happened so fast! The small one acre fire blasted out of control so fast that it played hopscotch with whatever neighborhoods were in its path, regardless of if it was your turn or not. Listening to the scanner we could hear the panic in the first responders. They were running out of resources. When they arrived at one spot they would have no water pressure so they would go to another location. Needless to say, we didn’t get any sleep that night.
It could've been me.. my family.
Something
people must realize is we had little warning. Yes, there were hints of fire and
gossip in the air. This and that and what to keep an eye out with fire weather
- but in reality very few people expected what really happened. We've never
experienced anything like this before! The Rogue Valley is "in the
belly" of everything around us. At one point our freeways were closed, our
highways were closed, and the routes to the coast were even closed! Firemen did
all they could to help. Unfortunately the fire was out of control so at that
point it was up to them just to get everyone out safely. Our state was (and
still is) extremely dry AND regardless of how or why our fires started that
night it was some of the scariest times as a parent I've ever experienced! I am
incredibly thankful so many people and animals have survived!
It could've
been me.. my family.
Fortunately,
no one in my immediate family lost their property. Unfortunately, several of my
friends were not as lucky. My husband is a property manager and his business did
lose properties in the fire. We have friendships with both the owner and
tenants of those properties. My heart just breaks for a dear friend of ours who
not only lost her workplace, but her parents house is gone, and her two sisters
lost each of their homes. Her family members live further north in Oregon but
this is how strong the fires ripped through the entire state that night. Other
friends of ours were also evacuated near Portland. South of us California has
been battling extreme fires as well. And then the news comes on and I see a drive
by of hwy 99 and cry…. It's so painful to see a community, in which I've lived
since 1999 (longer than I lived in Iowa, by the way) go through such heartache.
How will this be put back together. So many lives without a home. So much
destruction. I think of the children - it was their first day of school; virtual
school at that. What a year! I think of the elderly, the poor; the Mexican (Spanish
speaking) families displaced. As a result countless people are homeless, in
shock, hopeless, confused, and have no idea where to even start to heal.
It could've
been me.. my family.
~~~~
Homelessness
When I was a
senior in high school I had to do a senior project. My project was on
homelessness. My mom and I went to a conference in Omaha. At 17 years old, I
was the youngest one in the crowd. The speakers all spoke of statistics and how
people can make a difference in the community. Then someone took a different
approach. He said seven out of ten Americans are one paycheck away from being
homeless. The guy asked the crowd how many people would be homeless tomorrow if
they lost their family income. A few people stood up. Then he proceeded to ask
how many people would be homeless without income for two months; four months or
six months. Each time more and more people stood up. My mom stood up around
four months. Eventually almost everyone in the room had stood up. The point was
that everyone is susceptible to homelessness. This project was a huge eye
opener for both me and my mom. In fact, it changed how she did her banking and
savings the rest of her life. It also changed both of our prospective about
homelessness. Do not judge …
It could've
been me.. my family.
The reality
is anyone of us could become homeless for a multiple of reasons at any given
minute. Yes, there are people who are the "druggies" or the ones who
"just don’t want to work"
among the homeless crowd. They will always exist. But this fire changed
our homeless rate tremendously in the Rogue Valley!
A majority
of the residential homes burnt were mobile homes. Why/how does a natural
disaster always find the mobile home parks?! We lost 4 or 5 parks; at least! The
population of the mobile homes were elderly, poorer white families and Hispanic
families. I'm guessing by what I've read on social media probably half were not
insured of the mobile homes. FEMA is here but not helping much at this point
from what I've gathered. We have a ton of "tent cities" growing.
These are not just for the bums. These are families with children, young and
old, people who have lost everything trying to find hope. The tent cities are
going in at the green-ways and at school football fields. Showers are being used
at schools (students are all on virtual learning right now), the YMCA,
churches, and the fairgrounds (among other places). Donations, donations and
donations … we are seeing donations coming from everyone and everywhere. People
really want to help. But homelessness still remains .. and will for a long time
to come. …
Ghosts of
smoke and ash still linger in the valley well over a week after the fires. The
pungent smell of smoke even taste bitter and is painful to breathe. My car is
covered in ash; it desperately needs a bath. Slowly they are allowing residents
back into Phoenix and parts of Talent to see what is left. If you lived right
on Highway 99 I say prayers for you. Not much appears to be left from the
pictures and media posts I have seen. Right now I am still confused about what
sections of town have survived and what is destroyed. Embers still rumbling in the
town of Talent show the wrath of the fires; as if glowing eyes are watching.
Non-residents are still not allowed in the area as it is considered an active
fire scene.
It could've
been me.. my family.
~~~~
Empathy
The Friday (the
11th) immediately after the fires my brother found a purpose volunteering. He
was able to connect with some people he didn’t even know through a friend he
had from the army. He's still relatively new to this community and with Covid
he's has had a challenging time making friends of his own. This tragedy has
brought many in the community together to get out and help one another. He's
found a group who is actively helping others, feeding, and providing supplies
to those in need. The group of friends are there for each other emotionally
through this misfortune. I am very happy for my brother; he's found friends who
are helpful to others and have been also been a positive influence on his mindset.
Sometimes challenging times brings out compassion where you never expect it. In
fact, it's been amazing to see the outpouring of support and resources our
community has brought together.
What's been
hard for me though.. is it's during Covid. I'm not ready for the face to face
contact with strangers. I feel guilty. Here's my brother out volunteering and
I'm so proud of him for meeting people and helping so many people who have lost
everything - everything! And yet, I can't do it. Also I can't "carry"
the burden. I feel incredibly selfish. My empathy level can only hold so much.
I call my family and friends and I check up on them and talk with them. I want
to be strong for them and myself. I donate what I can, and will continue to do
so in the future. I think those who have created websites and gotten big
corporations to donate and can organize all the supplies coming through. Those
people (you know who you are!) are pure bad-ass type of people - you rock!
I have a
personality that's pretty kept to myself. I'm okay with this. I'm in my own
bubble with my family and friends; I'm okay with this. Covid has pushed me a
little further in the turtle shell but I have my outreaches. I also have my
reasons. When you spend 3 weeks in the hospital wondering if you are going to
live or die with a brain injury, you have a lot of time to think about your
family. Staying at home seems easy for me. I send out my happy messages or
"how ya doing?" to my friends, but I still feel guilty for not doing
more. There's still so much ruin and homelessness in the valley….
and it
could've been me; my family.
Let's Go
For a Drive
September 22; two weeks after the fires - Highway
99 was finally opened yesterday from Phoenix to Talent to Ashland. Jeff and I
went to breakfast for his birthday and we decided to go for a drive. The baby
blue skies finally broke through on this cooler day. Jeff handed me his phone
so I could record as he drove. As we got closer to Phoenix my nerves started to
intensify. I've seen pictures from other people but this will be real. Breathe.
exhale….
First I
noticed burned businesses on the left-hand side of the road. Then the right.
Then both. Then amazingly a restaurant, Deb's Diner and the RV shop next to it
survived. I have no idea how! Seriously it does not make any sense; just like a
tornado. The fires destroyed everything all around it; on both sides of the road
- EVERYTHING! That included the Harley Davidson and all the mobile home parks
in the area. Further down going towards Ray's there are sections of shopping
centers that are destroyed. Just gone. Jack in the Box is standing with a
melted sign out front. Everything behind and in front of it is gone. Garrisons
Furniture - Gone. Going Downtown… Pucks Donuts is gone. L Superior Carpet - Gone. La Tapatia -
Gone. Man this is just the left side of downtown and I can't even keep up with everything
that is gone. The fire jumped from building to building as it ripped the left side
of the road apart; and yet if you were the right side of hwy 99 (downtown going
towards Ashland) the fire might have only teased you not leaving a mark. My
heartbeat is in my throat and I can barely swallow. Tears are rolling down my face
- completely heartbreaking.
Driving towards
Talent the trees stood like blacken hockey sticks .. eerily spaced apart; like
something is really wrong with this picture. Imagine the scary forest in the
movie "Wizard of Oz" - and at some point I think the flying monkeys and
the evil witch are going to show up. Again, some structures remain untouched.
Others completely destroyed. Power and Gas trucks are everywhere spaced out
along the highway still trying to rebuild the damaged power lines. Jeff and I
decide to go and view the location where his properties once stood in Talent.
Turning down the road towards the neighborhood is painful. The houses saved
have been scared by pink "paint" highlights from plane retardant
drops. The houses not as fortunate are pure ash and rubble; nothing is left. There
are scorched metal stairways frames to nowhere. Someone is at the last unit
with a Good Samaritan Purse truck trying to sift through the remaining dust trying
to find any remaining items that can be saved. We stop and just soak it in. No
words. ..
It could've
been me.. my family.
Driving back
towards Medford on Hwy 99 I was shocked to see how many mobile home units were
once hidden by the blackened trees in Phoenix. A sense of reality hits me for
these families. I hope FEMA can help. I hope whatever systems that are supposed
to be in place really work. There is an article out today stating the schools
in Talent and Phoenix are starting this week again online. Over 50% of their students
were affected by the fires and are now homeless. I just can't even begin to imagine…..
Thankful
everyday
I am
thankful everyday for all that we have. Jeff works so hard to provide for the
family. Covid has been hard on everyone; not being able to see my friends and
family! I miss them dearly. I am grateful though for so much! It's been stressful;
the last few weeks - but I'm starting to feel better now. The air is finally
clearing up and we can breathe a little deeper. There was even some rain! YAY!
I even stood out and felt the rain in my fingers - "rain, rain, sweet
rain!"
The future of
Phoenix and Talent will be a long road of recovery. There are many painful
stories still to be told. Several people are just now starting the next phase
of healing. Some are already in the talks of rebuilding with their insurance. Others
are battling it out with FEMA and other resource companies for help. Others are
not even to that step yet. Pray to whomever you believe in that this recovery
will happen soon. We have a lot of good people trying to help.
I'm
incredibly thankful and blessed - it wasn’t me and my family …
Hugs to all!
9/30
Quick follow up
statement: I have received a lot of follow up comments regarding this blog.
Apparently
there are many out there who can relate to my feelings. I am happy I was able
to put those feelings into words and express them freely as they came pouring
out. I do go through a process of scribbling my thoughts in a journal prior to
putting them onto the computer. As I've mentioned, it took me 3 weeks to
honestly get through my anger, and emotions of pain, guilt and love before they
all made sense. I just want to thank everyone for reaching out to me and
letting me know in comments, texts, emails and phone calls how you've been
touched by this blog. You all me a lot to me and I'm here if anyone needs to
chat.
