Fires September 2020

It Could've Been Me … My Family

Many of you already know this but .. when I write, I write from the heart. Recently doing my project in Alabama and the states I have been able to find my passion for writing again. It's been my escape from reality so to speak. I've been able to add a piece of myself and yet add a bit of knowledge about the state and also draw. It's been quite refreshing. …… and now, for two weeks I haven't been able to even open my computer to write. It's been too painful. Every time I try; I cry. So I wait…and I wait. I wait until the pain gets less and less and I can find comfort once again in words. I write a paragraph and I close my computer; that was enough for today. Tomorrow's another day; I will write more then. Alabama will wait..

Little by little I'm making progress. I'm almost ready to post this new blog. I find peace in writing. It calms my nerves. Everyone will have to bear with me in this post; my grammar or punctuation may not be its best. I get tears in my eyes every time I re-read it. I wish I could do more for others.. I have a bit of guilt I believe in some aspects… but right now I'm trying to hold myself together. I suppose for now that will have to do; and that's okay. J  

 

"Empathy has no script. There is no right way or wrong way to do it. It's simply listening, holding space, withholding judgment, emotionally connecting, and communicating that incredibly healing message of "you're not alone."             ~Brene Brown

 

The Fires

Some of you may have noticed I took last week off (or two..or three now) from blogging. Unfortunately on Tuesday, September 8th and 9th, Oregon had what many have referred to as a "perfect storm" for fires. Hot, dry and extremely windy weather created nightmares for two days straight! For those of us who experienced this storm it’s hard and extremely painful to describe. The first two days and nights were pure survival! Then came the shock of it all. Then the trauma and the pain, sorrow and helplessness. Oregon "lost" four towns that week (maybe more?), two of which are within 10 miles of my house. Between Phoenix and Talent at least 2,488 residential homes and 164 businesses were completely destroyed! Other properties have been damaged as well. Now over 6,000 people are homeless - all from the Almeda fire alone. This is something I am used to hearing about on the news.. in other cities; not in my own community.  The fires were so close that night; they surrounded the valley in a fury. We had a false sense of security but in reality no one was safe. It all moved so fast.

It could've been me.. my family.

The winds were howling all morning. It was Tony's first day of high school; his freshman year online due to Covid. The schools were having issues with intermittent power outages and losing connection to the internet due to the high winds. Some families gave up on trying to stay connected with the school. The winds seemed to pick up speed and anger as the day progressed.

The fires started in Ashland around 11:00 am that morning and things appeared to be somewhat under control. Occasionally I'd receive little new flash updates on my phone. Around 2 or 3:00 in the afternoon I received a blurp saying the neighborhood by my sister-in-law's house in Medford was on high alert to be evacuated. I called to check to make sure Amy was aware and was heading home. Within the hour she was evacuating her family and pets to my in-laws house. 

My son, David, and his girlfriend, Leslie, were next on the list to be evacuated. They live in an area with only one way in and one way out; and to top it off they do not have a car. I texted David and told him the fire was close to his apartments and to look out his back window. Sure enough, the 30 ft flames were waving up and down in the wind, as if to say hello. It was so close he could almost feel them. Then came the stressful process of rounding up his two cats and shoving them into carriers while holding their small dog, Kiki so she wouldn’t wiggle away. All while trying to get everyone in her mom's car and down the road in a hurry. Hearing their voices in a panic over the phone, feeling helpless myself, trying to calm them down, telling them to breathe, yet to get out of there as fast as he could; all with me knowing from the scanner that his roads are blocked. This is every mother's worst nightmare. We repeated this again and again over the next day. Finally they just stayed away until they knew for sure it was all clear. It's a lot of trauma for everyone (including pets) to go through.

We were not alone in this situation. When Jeff and I turned on the police scanner we realized just how hellishly bad the situation really was. It wasn't until around 11pm that night when we discovered the destruction in Talent and Phoenix. Sadly, none of our local news channels were reporting on the situation. Panic had stricken the entire valley. …

It could've been me.. my family.

In the Midwest I have been through tornadoes. Normally you have warning when and where they are headed. There is a pretty clear path of destruction afterwards. Once I moved to the West Coast I learned of fire storms and the destruction they can leave behind. This past week I feel as though lived through the two combined together.

The Almeda fires released a whispering hiss, sizzling pop and a bellowing crackle within the dry withered trees as they gradually released years of liveliness soaked up from the sun. A solid intoxicating smell of musty smoke and pine needles mixed with an eerie glow of uncertainly was swimming in the air. The persistent, raw, hellish, smell was strong enough to wrap around your throat and strangle you. The noises that evening were unremitting and scary. There was a steady banging on the side of our house from the never ending wind and we don’t even have tall trees next to our house. Rustling leaves made crackling whip noises so loud it frightened all of our pets - and me too! As we checked on our friends and family throughout the evening there was a known panic in the background. In the dark lingered a huge curtain of flames crawling through nearby neighborhoods grabbing at every little thing it could; watching what we couldn’t. Branches and twigs would gasp for their last breath before falling into ashes. The fire slithered all around the valley that night - like a bunch of rattle snakes had been let lose creeping up and down every house; waiting for someone to scream… wondering where it would turn up next.    Breathe...

Fierce winds broke electric poles like it was a game. The fires raged on throughout multiple neighborhoods and businesses, sparing little in its path. Nothing inside was likely to survive. Firefighters went door by door that night evacuating one neighbor after another; often with nothing but what they had on their backs. Many people didn’t want to leave; even though they could see - yet not believe - their coming doom. Many were forced to leave their outdoor pets that had run away; fortunately many pets have since been reunited. Everything just happened so fast! The small one acre fire blasted out of control so fast that it played hopscotch with whatever neighborhoods were in its path, regardless of if it was your turn or not. Listening to the scanner we could hear the panic in the first responders. They were running out of resources. When they arrived at one spot they would have no water pressure so they would go to another location. Needless to say, we didn’t get any sleep that night. 

It could've been me.. my family.

Something people must realize is we had little warning. Yes, there were hints of fire and gossip in the air. This and that and what to keep an eye out with fire weather - but in reality very few people expected what really happened. We've never experienced anything like this before! The Rogue Valley is "in the belly" of everything around us. At one point our freeways were closed, our highways were closed, and the routes to the coast were even closed! Firemen did all they could to help. Unfortunately the fire was out of control so at that point it was up to them just to get everyone out safely. Our state was (and still is) extremely dry AND regardless of how or why our fires started that night it was some of the scariest times as a parent I've ever experienced! I am incredibly thankful so many people and animals have survived!

It could've been me.. my family.

Fortunately, no one in my immediate family lost their property. Unfortunately, several of my friends were not as lucky. My husband is a property manager and his business did lose properties in the fire. We have friendships with both the owner and tenants of those properties. My heart just breaks for a dear friend of ours who not only lost her workplace, but her parents house is gone, and her two sisters lost each of their homes. Her family members live further north in Oregon but this is how strong the fires ripped through the entire state that night. Other friends of ours were also evacuated near Portland. South of us California has been battling extreme fires as well. And then the news comes on and I see a drive by of hwy 99 and cry…. It's so painful to see a community, in which I've lived since 1999 (longer than I lived in Iowa, by the way) go through such heartache. How will this be put back together. So many lives without a home. So much destruction. I think of the children - it was their first day of school; virtual school at that. What a year! I think of the elderly, the poor; the Mexican (Spanish speaking) families displaced. As a result countless people are homeless, in shock, hopeless, confused, and have no idea where to even start to heal.  

It could've been me.. my family.

~~~~

Homelessness

When I was a senior in high school I had to do a senior project. My project was on homelessness. My mom and I went to a conference in Omaha. At 17 years old, I was the youngest one in the crowd. The speakers all spoke of statistics and how people can make a difference in the community. Then someone took a different approach. He said seven out of ten Americans are one paycheck away from being homeless. The guy asked the crowd how many people would be homeless tomorrow if they lost their family income. A few people stood up. Then he proceeded to ask how many people would be homeless without income for two months; four months or six months. Each time more and more people stood up. My mom stood up around four months. Eventually almost everyone in the room had stood up. The point was that everyone is susceptible to homelessness. This project was a huge eye opener for both me and my mom. In fact, it changed how she did her banking and savings the rest of her life. It also changed both of our prospective about homelessness. Do not judge …   

It could've been me.. my family.

The reality is anyone of us could become homeless for a multiple of reasons at any given minute. Yes, there are people who are the "druggies" or the ones who "just don’t want to work"  among the homeless crowd. They will always exist. But this fire changed our homeless rate tremendously in the Rogue Valley!

A majority of the residential homes burnt were mobile homes. Why/how does a natural disaster always find the mobile home parks?! We lost 4 or 5 parks; at least! The population of the mobile homes were elderly, poorer white families and Hispanic families. I'm guessing by what I've read on social media probably half were not insured of the mobile homes. FEMA is here but not helping much at this point from what I've gathered. We have a ton of "tent cities" growing. These are not just for the bums. These are families with children, young and old, people who have lost everything trying to find hope. The tent cities are going in at the green-ways and at school football fields. Showers are being used at schools (students are all on virtual learning right now), the YMCA, churches, and the fairgrounds (among other places). Donations, donations and donations … we are seeing donations coming from everyone and everywhere. People really want to help. But homelessness still remains .. and will for a long time to come. …

Ghosts of smoke and ash still linger in the valley well over a week after the fires. The pungent smell of smoke even taste bitter and is painful to breathe. My car is covered in ash; it desperately needs a bath. Slowly they are allowing residents back into Phoenix and parts of Talent to see what is left. If you lived right on Highway 99 I say prayers for you. Not much appears to be left from the pictures and media posts I have seen. Right now I am still confused about what sections of town have survived and what is destroyed. Embers still rumbling in the town of Talent show the wrath of the fires; as if glowing eyes are watching. Non-residents are still not allowed in the area as it is considered an active fire scene.    

It could've been me.. my family.

~~~~

Empathy

The Friday (the 11th) immediately after the fires my brother found a purpose volunteering. He was able to connect with some people he didn’t even know through a friend he had from the army. He's still relatively new to this community and with Covid he's has had a challenging time making friends of his own. This tragedy has brought many in the community together to get out and help one another. He's found a group who is actively helping others, feeding, and providing supplies to those in need. The group of friends are there for each other emotionally through this misfortune. I am very happy for my brother; he's found friends who are helpful to others and have been also been a positive influence on his mindset. Sometimes challenging times brings out compassion where you never expect it. In fact, it's been amazing to see the outpouring of support and resources our community has brought together. 

What's been hard for me though.. is it's during Covid. I'm not ready for the face to face contact with strangers. I feel guilty. Here's my brother out volunteering and I'm so proud of him for meeting people and helping so many people who have lost everything - everything! And yet, I can't do it. Also I can't "carry" the burden. I feel incredibly selfish. My empathy level can only hold so much. I call my family and friends and I check up on them and talk with them. I want to be strong for them and myself. I donate what I can, and will continue to do so in the future. I think those who have created websites and gotten big corporations to donate and can organize all the supplies coming through. Those people (you know who you are!) are pure bad-ass type of people - you rock!

I have a personality that's pretty kept to myself. I'm okay with this. I'm in my own bubble with my family and friends; I'm okay with this. Covid has pushed me a little further in the turtle shell but I have my outreaches. I also have my reasons. When you spend 3 weeks in the hospital wondering if you are going to live or die with a brain injury, you have a lot of time to think about your family. Staying at home seems easy for me. I send out my happy messages or "how ya doing?" to my friends, but I still feel guilty for not doing more. There's still so much ruin and homelessness in the valley….

and it could've been me; my family.

Let's Go For a Drive

 September 22; two weeks after the fires - Highway 99 was finally opened yesterday from Phoenix to Talent to Ashland. Jeff and I went to breakfast for his birthday and we decided to go for a drive. The baby blue skies finally broke through on this cooler day. Jeff handed me his phone so I could record as he drove. As we got closer to Phoenix my nerves started to intensify. I've seen pictures from other people but this will be real. Breathe. exhale….

First I noticed burned businesses on the left-hand side of the road. Then the right. Then both. Then amazingly a restaurant, Deb's Diner and the RV shop next to it survived. I have no idea how! Seriously it does not make any sense; just like a tornado. The fires destroyed everything all around it; on both sides of the road - EVERYTHING! That included the Harley Davidson and all the mobile home parks in the area. Further down going towards Ray's there are sections of shopping centers that are destroyed. Just gone. Jack in the Box is standing with a melted sign out front. Everything behind and in front of it is gone. Garrisons Furniture - Gone. Going Downtown… Pucks Donuts is gone. L Superior Carpet - Gone. La Tapatia - Gone. Man this is just the left side of downtown and I can't even keep up with everything that is gone. The fire jumped from building to building as it ripped the left side of the road apart; and yet if you were the right side of hwy 99 (downtown going towards Ashland) the fire might have only teased you not leaving a mark. My heartbeat is in my throat and I can barely swallow. Tears are rolling down my face - completely heartbreaking.

Driving towards Talent the trees stood like blacken hockey sticks .. eerily spaced apart; like something is really wrong with this picture. Imagine the scary forest in the movie "Wizard of Oz" - and at some point I think the flying monkeys and the evil witch are going to show up. Again, some structures remain untouched. Others completely destroyed. Power and Gas trucks are everywhere spaced out along the highway still trying to rebuild the damaged power lines. Jeff and I decide to go and view the location where his properties once stood in Talent. Turning down the road towards the neighborhood is painful. The houses saved have been scared by pink "paint" highlights from plane retardant drops. The houses not as fortunate are pure ash and rubble; nothing is left. There are scorched metal stairways frames to nowhere. Someone is at the last unit with a Good Samaritan Purse truck trying to sift through the remaining dust trying to find any remaining items that can be saved. We stop and just soak it in. No words. ..     

It could've been me.. my family.

Driving back towards Medford on Hwy 99 I was shocked to see how many mobile home units were once hidden by the blackened trees in Phoenix. A sense of reality hits me for these families. I hope FEMA can help. I hope whatever systems that are supposed to be in place really work. There is an article out today stating the schools in Talent and Phoenix are starting this week again online. Over 50% of their students were affected by the fires and are now homeless. I just can't even begin to imagine…..

Thankful everyday

I am thankful everyday for all that we have. Jeff works so hard to provide for the family. Covid has been hard on everyone; not being able to see my friends and family! I miss them dearly. I am grateful though for so much! It's been stressful; the last few weeks - but I'm starting to feel better now. The air is finally clearing up and we can breathe a little deeper. There was even some rain! YAY! I even stood out and felt the rain in my fingers - "rain, rain, sweet rain!"

The future of Phoenix and Talent will be a long road of recovery. There are many painful stories still to be told. Several people are just now starting the next phase of healing. Some are already in the talks of rebuilding with their insurance. Others are battling it out with FEMA and other resource companies for help. Others are not even to that step yet. Pray to whomever you believe in that this recovery will happen soon. We have a lot of good people trying to help.

I'm incredibly thankful and blessed - it wasn’t me and my family …

Hugs to all!

9/30 

Quick follow up statement: I have received a lot of follow up comments regarding this blog.

Apparently there are many out there who can relate to my feelings. I am happy I was able to put those feelings into words and express them freely as they came pouring out. I do go through a process of scribbling my thoughts in a journal prior to putting them onto the computer. As I've mentioned, it took me 3 weeks to honestly get through my anger, and emotions of pain, guilt and love before they all made sense. I just want to thank everyone for reaching out to me and letting me know in comments, texts, emails and phone calls how you've been touched by this blog. You all me a lot to me and I'm here if anyone needs to chat.