Not in Iowa Anymore

3-29-13

After an amazing night reconnecting with my husband it was time to see the rest of the family. I soon realized I was not in Iowa anymore. Reno is pretty fast paced with noises and people all around - much to the contrast of being in Iowa. The next couple of days were spent taking kids around and even meeting up with Jeff's step-brother Keith (who lives in Denmark) and two of his kids in Truckee.

During the road trip home I spent the travel time thinking about my days in Iowa. Jeff mentioned to me how leaving Iowa was like when I left when I was 18. No, leaving Iowa this time, was me as a 40-year-old with much more wisdom and needed comfort and closure to start anew. I hate to repeat myself, but this trip was more than just a trip, it was life changing for me. Every day had a true meaning and it was so much more than anyone else could have given to me. I understand now why I had to do this trip on my own. Going with my family would be amazing (and still will be in the future!), but it will be a much different trip. I would never have received as much closer as I was given had it gone any other way. From the road trip there, to the nights spent sleeping on the couch, to the journey back to my family - it was all worth it. The one on one time with my brother was amazing - like no other we've had during our lives. I knew going into this that I had "issues" and it would be an emotional trip but I had no idea how every moment would help me. Somehow this trip, and this blog has brought me back from the grave and grieving my mom's loss to a place where I am more accepting of what is to come. I must look forward with confidence in myself and press on with my life. I wish there was a way to give this peace and freedom to others.

As we approached our house in Medford, the door opened from the car to get out. I started to cry... see our neighbors have frogs in their pond out in front of their house and their ribbit was so loud. It was a true circle for the trip. From the beginning, I named my blog "afrogonalogandablog" but I had no idea why (or how) I came up with that name. Now I felt the answer was right in front of me - my journey home was not just about going to Iowa but also coming back home where my life is today. Somehow it just made sense.. I was home.. and happy to have a new look on life.

Press on....