Writing is Therapy

4/23/16

So my doctors say I'm a little (okay a lot) anxious and I should talk with someone about it. I've decided a good place to start is by writing. My dad says "Writing is therapy" so time will tell if it works for me. I love to write so this should be helpful.

Some may wonder why should I be anxious? Well let's see, I'm fighting a disease that no one can explain - at least not at this point. I've been told I have some sort of autoimmune disease that acts similar to Multiple Sclerosis but doesn't have all the same symptoms. Some other docs have mentioned it looks like lymphoma or maybe a tumor. I've had many side effects from my brain lesion not to mention the emotion strain it has put on me and my family. I'm generally an upbeat person and I try to see the glass "half full" but at times it's hard to view things that way. My biggest struggle, which is really hard to explain to people, is being so exhausted all of the time. I feel I have no reason to be so tired all of the time and yet I can sleep anytime - day or night. Being exhausted also comes with lack of motivation which is challenging as well. This leads to frustration because I have a list of things I want to do that I am physically unable to complete. After 8 months I am in the process of "mourning" the loss of things I once did and was able to do with no problems. I feel up until now I have been fighting forward and making progress every day. Recently I have been diagnosed with a new problem with my eyes and I feel I am going backward. In the past, I would take two steps forward and one step backward. Now I feel I'm not going the right way but hopefully in time that will change. I know the doctors are working on it with me so in time we will be moving forward once again. Having said all of that, I'm hopeful this blog will be positive but real.